Affair Recovery · Portage & Kalamazoo
Affair & Infidelity Recovery Counseling in Portage, MI
Finding out about an affair is devastating. Physical, emotional or both, it leaves you with questions you never expected to ask: What happened? Why? Can we get past this? Do I want to?
I work with couples in Portage, Kalamazoo and across Michigan after infidelity. We focus on honesty and accountability, and we go at a pace the hurt partner can handle.
After an affair
Where couples often are when they call
- You just found out and can't stop thinking about it
- You want the whole truth, and you keep getting pieces of it
- You had an affair and want to repair the damage, but don't know how
- It was “just texting,” and your partner is still devastated
- You keep blaming each other: “you should've tried harder” vs. “I should've left sooner”
- You're trying to decide whether to stay or go
- It happened years ago, and it still sits between you
Emotional affairs
Emotional affairs count
If you're in a monogamous relationship, the agreement, explicit or assumed, is that intimacy, emotional and physical, is something you share with each other. A secret emotional connection that involves confiding, flirting, fantasizing or putting someone else ahead of your partner is a breach of trust.
You don't get to decide what's more painful for someone else, or rate betrayals on a scale that conveniently favors your own behavior. Pain isn't a contest. Deflecting, minimizing or weaponizing your partner's mistakes only keeps you both stuck in shame and resentment.
Accountability
Taking responsibility
Recovery doesn't mean punishment, and it doesn't mean rushing to forgive. The partner who had the affair has to take responsibility for it. Both partners also look at what was going on in the relationship before, without using that to excuse the affair.
Apologies matter, but trust comes back through changed behavior over time. We'll work out what that behavior looks like for the two of you.
- The shock, grief and anger after finding out
- Honest, structured conversations about what happened
- Ending secrecy and rebuilding transparency
- Looking at problems in the relationship, without excusing the affair
- Rebuilding trust, intimacy and friendship
- Deciding, together or separately, what comes next
The process
Individual sessions first, then together
I meet with each partner individually before joint sessions start. After an affair this matters: the hurt partner can say how they really feel, and the partner who had the affair can be honest about where they are. Then we work together, in person in Portage or by Zoom.
Not every couple stays together after an affair. Either way, I can help you make that decision honestly and with as little extra hurt as possible.
“You don’t get to decide what’s more painful for someone else. You don’t get to rate betrayals on a scale that conveniently favors your own behavior.”
Getting started
How sessions work
Reach out
Call, email or send an appointment request. Samantha will get back to you to find a time.
Meet one-on-one first
For couples and family work, Samantha meets with each person individually for one session before everyone meets together, so each person can share their side.
In person or online
Meet at the Portage office on W. Centre Ave. or by Zoom or phone from anywhere in Michigan, Florida or South Carolina. Self-pay sessions run 45 minutes.
Insurance accepted: Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS), Blue Care Network (BCN), Priority Health, UnitedHealthcare (UHC), TRICARE. Self-pay rates and policies are on the Rates & Insurance page.
Questions
Affair recovery questions
Can a marriage survive an affair?
Many do. It takes honesty, responsibility from the partner who had the affair, patience, and both people being willing to work at it.
Is an emotional affair really cheating?
In a monogamous relationship, a secret emotional connection that involves confiding, flirting, fantasizing or prioritizing someone else over your partner is a breach of trust, whether or not it ever became physical.
How long does it take to recover from an affair?
It varies a lot. Rebuilding trust usually takes many months of consistent, changed behavior. The early crisis phase often eases sooner with support.
Should we come in even if we haven't decided whether to stay?
Yes. Therapy can help you decide, whether you stay together or separate.
Can I come on my own?
Yes. Individual therapy can help you process a betrayal, or make sense of your own choices, whether or not your partner joins.
Does insurance cover couples therapy?
Sometimes. Samantha is in network with BCBS, Blue Care Network, Priority Health, UnitedHealthcare and TRICARE, but many plans only cover couples or family sessions in certain situations. Call the number on your card and ask about family or couples psychotherapy benefits before your first session. Self-pay couples sessions are $200.
Office & online
Infidelity counseling for Portage & Kalamazoo couples
The office sits on W. Centre Avenue between Oakland Drive and S. Westnedge, about two minutes from Portage City Hall and six from Crossroads Mall. It’s roughly 15 minutes from downtown Kalamazoo and WMU, under 20 from Texas Township, Vicksburg, Oshtemo and Mattawan, and within half an hour of Paw Paw, Plainwell, Richland and Battle Creek. Not close by? Sessions are also available by Zoom or phone anywhere in Michigan, South Carolina or Florida.
Therapize Counseling & Wellness
1611 W. Centre Ave., Suite 201
Portage, MI 49024
More services
Other ways I can help
Couples & Marriage Counseling
For couples who keep having the same argument, feel like roommates, or want to feel close again.
Pre-Marital Counseling
Talk about money, family, conflict and expectations before the wedding.
Blended Families
Stepparents, stepkids, exes and new siblings. Help from a therapist who lives in a blended family too.
Ethical Non-Monogamy
Therapy for polyamorous, open and ethically non-monogamous relationships, without judgment.
Intimacy & Desire
Mismatched desire, a dry spell, or feeling like roommates. Help for couples who want to feel close again.
Co-Parenting Counseling
For separated and divorced parents, and stepparents, who want less conflict and kids kept out of the middle.
Let's connect.
Schedule an affair recovery session
Reach out to talk about what you are looking for and whether we are a good fit. In person in Portage, or online anywhere in Michigan, South Carolina or Florida.