Blended families are like throwing a bunch of puzzle pieces up in the air and hoping when they land that they all fit together.

Some people may crave the experience of helping someone else raise their children, but it is certainly not everyone’s dream (and if we are being honest, the percentage of people that dream of this life is probably very low). For most people that marry a parent, the kids are just a non-negotiable part of the deal. No one grows up imagining they’ll ride off into the sunset with a few ponies trailing behind. Those little cowboys and cowgirls also didn’t expect to be watching their mom and/or dad riding off with someone else; so how does everyone come together and make a life in their new normal?

Can anyone that marries into someone else’s family say that they knew what they were getting into? Conflicting personalities and behavioral nuances become bigger issues as relationships age. The best way to navigate these issues is to tackle them before they begin to fester, and you can do so with the help of a licensed therapist.

I find the people that make up a blended family are either focused on being kind and accommodating, or fuming with resentment. Either way, everyone is rarely saying what they feel. Navigating within a blended family requires a skill set specific to the unique challenges faced by those affected. Mothers and fathers must share their children with a stranger. Step-parents must find their place in the lives of children that didn’t invite them in. Children struggle to forgive their parents for turning their lives upside down and forcing them into a life they didn’t ask for.

Empathy is hard to come by when everyone is facing their own challenges and wrapped up in their own pain. It’s hard to ask someone to put their pain aside to comfort someone whom they often cannot relate to. No two experiences are the same and the circumstances for which people get divorced or remarried vary greatly as well, so how can one help the other if everyone is drowning?

If you enter into a blended family with your eyes wide open, with the expectation that you will fail at times, you’re much more likely to seek out and accept help from qualified sources in your community.