When we think of “dating,” most of us picture those early, exciting moments—picking the perfect outfit, asking thoughtful questions, feeling a buzz of curiosity about the other person’s likes, dreams, and quirks. Everything is new. Everything matters. But somewhere along the way, especially in long-term relationships, that energy tends to fade. We shift from discovering each other to assuming we already know everything there is to know.

Here’s a gentle reminder: you don’t have to be new to each other to start fresh.

I often encourage couples to re-date each other—not just go out more, but to intentionally return to a mindset I call the first date mentality. Think of it as a kind of emotional “reset button” for your relationship.

From Dating to Courting: A Subtle but Powerful Shift

Let’s go one step further and talk about courting. If you’ve ever seen one of those reality shows where a family has 18+ children, you might’ve heard this term before. Courting is dating—but with purpose. It’s not about impressing someone with a polished version of yourself. It’s about being sincere and open while showing genuine interest and kindness. You’re not pretending; you’re present.

What makes courting special is the intention behind it. You’re trying—not to win someone over with a mask, but to show up as your real self while giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. You’re patient. You listen more deeply. You ask meaningful questions. You notice the small things again.

Now imagine bringing that energy back into a marriage or long-term partnership.

The Problem with Assumptions

Over time, familiarity breeds… well, more so, a kind of complacency. We stop asking how our partner’s day really went because we think we already know. We stop being curious about their dreams because we assume they haven’t changed. We even finish their sentences—not always because it’s romantic, but because we believe we know what’s coming.

But here’s the truth: people change, even (and especially) the ones we love. Life keeps shaping us. New interests, new fears, new insights—they emerge constantly. The question is, are we still showing up to witness those changes in our partner?

How to Re-Date Each Other

So how do you actually re-date your partner? It’s not about recreating your first dinner at that Italian place with the flickering candles (although that might be fun). It’s about reimagining how you interact with the person you think you already know.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Ask Questions You Haven’t Asked in YearsInstead of “How was your day?” try “What challenged you today?” or “What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately that I might not know?” Be curious.
2. Assume Less, Discover MoreReplace “I already know what they’ll say” with “I wonder what they think about this now?” Let them surprise you.
3. Practice Patience and PresenceOn a first date, you don’t rush through dinner on your phone. You look up. You lean in. Bring that same presence to your next conversation.
4. Show Small Acts of InterestRemember how attentively you used to listen when they talked about a new hobby? Try that again. Even if you don’t share the interest, you can share in their joy.
5. Make Time for Intentional ConnectionSchedule a “courting night.” Not just a date night, but a time when you actively learn something new about each other. No logistics talk. No distractions.

The Payoff: Renewed Connection

Re-dating each other is not about pretending to be new people. It’s about seeing the person you love with new eyes—and inviting them to do the same for you. When couples commit to this mindset, they often rediscover the spark they thought had faded. More importantly, they build a deeper, more resilient connection—one that can grow with them as they change and evolve.

So this week, try it. Look at your partner as if you’re meeting them again for the first time. Ask, listen, laugh. Be curious. Be kind.

Because even after years together, there's always more to learn—and more to love.